It's all a vague memory now.......scarce traces remain......little children's giggles and snickers rebound in the mind, reminding me of my past humiliations.
There's nothing like planning your little ones first few birthday parties. Those are the best parties to plan. The whimsy sends you back in time, to your own childhood and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside and...
The all important theme, that is carefully concluded by your child's latest obsession with Thomas the train, X-men wolverine, Barney, The little mermaid (Boys & Girls themes people!!!) Princesses, Barbie etc.....Deciding this, is the all important first step into the evolving perfection known as the Themed birthday party, which has the parents on a frenzied hunt for anything boasting that image; T-shirts, outfits, stuffed animal and gazillion toys.
So, you'd think I would have acquired some sort of expertise on the matter. I can tell you I've not missed a beat when it comes to the guest list (not a person forgotten), and I am always the fullfiller of my child's fantasy theme (not a table, chair, wall left undecorated within an inch of it's life) party favors, plates, napkins; heck even the glitter was inscribed with Hannah Montana.
So, what's the problem? why is it that every time I feel one of my kids birthdays approaching or I get a call from one of the Golf, soccer, football, cheer leading, baseball, track, basketball MOMS that it's my turn to bring a dessert to the awards banquet I simultaneously have a break down?
The dirty secret......wait for it.........I- c-a-n-t b-a-k-e -!!!!!!! Some might think what's the big deal, so she can't bake. Have you ever seen your child's face when his/her cake is revealed for a room full of the people he/she loves the very most in the entire world. Booming with excitement, on the edge of their seat waiting to feel the warm glow of candles as they close their eyes and dream the impossible dream, ready to make the ever so important WISH come true. They inhale that sweet breath, their lips pucker, their eyes close with purpose; all to come to a screeching halt as they slowly open their eyes and realize that the cake is LOPSIDED, BURNT, SLIDING off the bottom layer because it's at an impossible angle and even the melted frosting can't stop the inevitable! Their look of mortification, disappointment comes blazing through the candle light and lands on only one person in the packed room; MOM!!!!! without a word I can read the "how could you!!!" all over their little cherub face. Mental telepathy ensues and my child and I can have an entire conversation without saying a word. Let me tell you, you don't want to be a party to those!
My definition of MOM by the very word, somewhere in maybe very small print means "the ability to bake and not mortify the kiddies". So, many of store runs later to buy Little Debbies only to remove the individual plastic and arrange prettily on a plate, cover with saran wrap to finish off the convincing illusion (which most of the sports MOM seemed to appreciate) since I'm sure their child and themselves had to forcibly swallow whatever it was that I had baked in the past. Nobody is going to call me out on my Little Debbie hoax (with appreciation they accept without comment) and many many occasions when my own kids have spit with disgust my latest invention (supposed to to a simple cookie or cake) into the trash, rushing for a glass of water and saying "is that supposed to have salt in it" or "is that supposed to be brownies or a cake" or "I think I chipped a tooth" have come to an end. They have come to an end, not because I have given up. No way! that is not an option.
My pretty red mixer! yes, an appliance that is going to change my baking fate. My confidence has returned and I see nothing but success reflecting back from it's sleek little body. My mother's day gift was given with such hopes for better things to come. My daughter commented that maybe I could actually make something good. One of my sons commented that maybe the cakes wouldn't have those lumps and my hubby commented with an encouraging hand on my shoulder that if " I just follow the directions everything will be fine"....Whew!!! I feel much better already.
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